Here we are, once again… maybe tomorrow night will be the night… LOL no it won’t, just highhh hopes :/
I think I understand now why my mom doesn’t like me and she worships my sister. She has my sister whipped, and I’m a free spirit. She’s living her life she wanted through my sister
Hahahahaha Alyssa’s facebook status is EXACTLY what I tweeted last night… like word for word. What a little stalker(:
Well tonight wasn’t ideal. After only telling Kristin all of this on Friday, I needed her tonight. So I texted her and told her what was going on and she gave me all the right answers, and I decided not to cut tonight… until my sister won an award, because she’s perfect. Right when I heard that, instead of being a good sister and celebrating, I cut myself. Then Kristin texted me asking if I’d done anything, and I didn’t wanna lie so I said yes.. obviously she’s disappointed in me, but I don’t know how I’m gonna deal with this because I don’t want her stressing out over me or feeling like its her fault when I do cut myself. Now I feel bad. Eff. Good night.
Everything was pretty normal today around Kristin, and that made me really happy. And although I fully trust her with my secret and that she will help me, I can’t help but think that she’s going through a tough time as well. I don’t know what, but sometimes she brings up stuff about not fully accepting who you are and stuff, but she never seems to want to go deeper into the subject. Maybe she’s relating to girls in general, or maybe it’s her way of asking for help.. I don’t know. But I do know that she means the world to me and I’d be there for her in an instant. I feel like when I do need her help, which I think will be pretty soon, it’s gonna put her under more stress. I don’t wanna seem selfish by just throwing my problems on her, but at the same time, I need her. I don’t know what to do now
I keep thinking that telling Kristin was all a dream. It wasn’t. It really happened. She actually knows. And I’m so glad that she does, but I wish I would have said more, I kinda just awkwardly sat there while she was crying, and I didn’t know what to say. We talked on Friday evening, just casually, but then I texted her around midnight saying that if she had any questions about what I told her, that she could ask me… she hasn’t replied, and its Sunday morning. I just wish she wouldn’t ignore me after I just told her the biggest secret I’ve ever had.
I told Kristin
it was so much tougher than I had envisioned it would be. It took me about 10 minutes to actually get the words ‘i cut myself’ out of my mouth. I didn’t think she’d react so quickly. She asked me where I cut myself and I replied ‘my leg’. She put her elbow on the middle console and her head in her hand and started crying. I expected tears, but I didn’t expect as much as she cried. I was actually proud of myself, I didn’t cry! I was veeery close, but never did. And it felt better after I had said it. I wish I would have paid more attention and not have been in such a daze during all of this, but I honestly cant remeber everything that happened or was said, I was so proud of myself for finally telling her. I nervously twisted my car keys around and around to distract me from crying too. She told me that she was upset that she didn’t know sooner, which I agree, I should have told her before, but I never thought I needed help until recently. I told her not to think differently or act weird around me, I’m still the same girl. She agreed to that, and said that whenever I feel the urge to cut, to call her or go over to her house. I know she’s the perfect person to tell, and I’m beyond blessed to have her as my friend.
